Okay so I have not had anymore more dreams I don’t know if that is good or bad… sometimes, I forget the pain them I will turn around and it is back. everything reminds me of my dad, he should be here, he shouldn’t have died…. Why did God take my dad, I know everything happens for a reason but why… I want to know now not down the road!

I had a dream last night or it seemed like one I really can’t remember seeing anything but I remember talking to my dad… he asked me a question we are talking about mom I said no that was my answer and then he asked why should you? Then I woke up…

Mom bought me Season 4 of BONES!!!!!!! I get to go home and watch the new show tonight, and Eastwick and Modern Family and FlashFoward and Cougertown and… DOLLHOUSE!!!!!!! I have to buy season one of that…. I am hoping for a few good days of weather so they can put dad’s stone in… it is weird having to worry about that… there was oatmeal raisin cookies today I grabed one for dad to take home… he loved those cookies and anytime I found them I would grab at least one for him… I go in to Kwik Star and stop myself from buy lotto scratch tickets I would buy them for him all the time, I can’t actually believe I am saying this but I miss the smell of his cigarettes, I would be buying him peeps and those peanut butter kisses… all this halloween candy… I try to go aobut my day as normal but it is hard and nothing will be normal again… anyways still no understanding about my weird dreams… and they are weird….

I don’t know what my dream was about the other night (Tuesday) but it has been bothering me it was so real, dad came back I hugged him he felt like he did at the funeral home, cold so cold, he was sitting on the couch, I was happy to see him we all were but we were so angry at him, I could feel the anger inside of me, when I woke up I could still feel him and that anger I had towards him in the dream… it doesn’t make since what could it mean, I won’t even go into the other dream I had that night that was just very weird…. if anybody can interpret dreams let me know what it could mean, I have gone though my anger stage that is why I don’t understand this dream, that is the first stage I went though….

The military has poisoned the marines that were stationed in Camp Lejeune… and they won’t help them, there are 20 men from Camp Lejeune that have breast cancer some without health insurance and the government that these men fought for, won’t help them at all!!!! The government has to own up to its mistakes!!!!! The water was contaminated they knew about it in the 60’s but it was 85 before they stopped using the water!!!!!! And these men as well as everyman that lived there has to pay the price, from research done on this not only the men that developed breast cancer was effected but it shortened the lives of other marines it is effecting their children and grandchildren, it is effecting the nation, most marines go though Camp Lejeune!!!! Call your congressman and sentor and tell them the government has to own up to their mistakes and take care of the men that served at Camp Lejeune and all the men and women who serve this country of our!!!!!

Last night Kim, Mom and I were talking about guys… go figure me and my sister talking about guys but, mom asked if we met anybody chase worthy… both of us answered no… I don’t know if my sister was telling the truth but me I haven’t found anybody, I will know him when I met him but first I have to met him… I want a man with blue eyes, dark hair, kind, loyal, wouldn’t hurt if he was in the military, respectful, sweet, manly, smart, doesn’t smoke, or drink to much… anyways I had a messed up dream, Mick picked me up in his truck and the door wouldn’t close then we were driving up the bridge across downtown and then we ran into people!!!! they were sitting out partying so we got out found mom under the bridge (it was kind of rainy) and I went up the were offering green beer and lager, but I didn’t take any, there was these food contests, I was in the kitchen somehow and there was a guy who was going to do something with his baby (have her be his sous chef) but she couldn’t do it and brought her in the kitchen and he changed his shirt, there was chocolate with strawberries, and other fruit, I some of that then some m&ms that I dipped in chocolate then ate, then a man came up and started talking to me then I woke up… freaky….oh and somewhere in the middle of this I was searching for something and climbing on poles in front of people climbing on these not very study sets, and doing a tight rope type walk on a pole with only another pole to hang on to… there was a very far fall, but then I got to a certian point I guess I found what I was looking for I jumped down then went back to mom and then went to the crowd ending up in front of the contestents then ending up in the kitchen then eatting the chocolate covered treats, but the guy who came up and talked to me I think was one of the contestents… hmmm….. thinking….. what does it all mean….

Funny how things get stuck in you head like a saying in a move like Something Evil This Way Comes… you could be sitting there thinking about light bulbs (talking to a guy asking for a light bulb) and then poof… it pops into your head… very evil…I HATE MY PHONE… it dies like after a few hours always having issues… all for a touch phone… should have stayed with my 4 year old razor… it still works but with no service….

Or You Will Fall For Anything… the Aaron Tippen song is going though my head, lately music has just been flowing though my head, but I can’t bring my self to listen to the music I love, me and dad loved the same type, though I liked a few more types… You know you have to to stand for something, you have to stand up for what you believe or people will suck you into a trap that you will never get out… I am going though a bit of writers block the only thing helping me get though some of these down times was typing out my story I wrote, but now that I have typed the story I wrote on paper almost completely, I can’t seem to continue I have about 20 pages… but I don’t know what should come next now that my team is going to go back home for the holidays… It is fall now… starting to get cold… I don’t like the cold… Dad’s stone is in, they can’t set it until the weather breaks and as long as there is no frost… I am buying plots next to mom and dad…. kind of weird…. you know my big fear was losing them at the same time and I thought that was the way it was going to be, losing dad now was not what was suppose to happen it was suppose to be after I was older… after he was older… I also haven’t bought anything but powerball since he passed except for shortly after I bought 1 I don’t know why but I haven’t since… I use to buy them all the time those scratch tickets… and joke when he was old and senile he would only go ticket when I came by… he wouldn’t remember anything else just ticket… you never know what you will miss until you miss it, it is all those small things you barly noticed that you took for granted that you miss most of all, those everyday small things are the things you miss the most… You know things happen for a reason but only God can tell us what that reason is… I want to know now…anyways…. I was planing a trip… I was planning a big Chrismas… now now I am planing nothing…. Who wants to go to Vegas next year… I am going for a week for my birthday!!!!!

I am getting headaches from a lot of things, besides the migranes I get, and besides the fact I think I am coming down with something again! But people can give you headaches, and paper work and a lot of things… like the VA for example… make you go to the place the person was discharged or where they enlisted to get all the infomation you want is just wrong… or the fact it takes 2 weeks to get a dd214… the governement needs an overhaul… I know put me in charge trust me stupid people won’t exist in government anymore… and I will make processes people friendly… oh and free money for school… like me who wants to finish their degree but the government is making sure the poor stay poor… that that I consider my self poor, I just don’t have 60k to get get my four year degree…

Not would anybody read this blog but this story I am writing, it has helped me get though some of this just typing out the words I wrote, I started these stories long ago never finished them, they were for some classes in high school, one was for a class in college, but I don’t think anybody would want to read them… one as I said is about a serial killer profiler, she has to find a killer before he finds her… and the other is a vampire one… I started that one in grade school but have written it over again… I like it, it is funny…