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I lay here, my eyes wide open. My life it flashes before my life. My childhood. My teen years, and the start of the path I went down. My adult years and that final act that finally lead to this position.
I lay here and wonder what my life had been like if I hadn’t made the choices I had. I lay here and feel, maybe for the first time in my existence, regret.
So that is what regret feels like. Excitement. Release. A moment of relief.
Those emotions for my life were the only ones I knew. Odd how now that my eyes are on display that I feel something I always should have all along.
Remorse. Regret. Sadness. It is a novel feeling to finally feel… human.
That part that was hidden so deep inside me.
Now out in the open and on display as my eyes see the last faces they will ever see.
They say eyes are the windows to the soul. That is why I used to wear sunglasses. Why I keep my eyes hidden from the world. So they won’t see the darkness of my soul.
See the things that I had seen. See the things I have done. See my true soul.
So I hid my eyes. Maybe I did feel, but I was so hidden. So hidden that I even hid my eyes from myself. I couldn’t look myself in the eyes. To look myself in the eyes would have reminded me of the sins I ran from. Remind me of the pain and death I caused.
But today the glasses finally came off.
Today my eyes will close forevermore, after they are bared for the world to see.
As I finally pay for my sins.
As they inject me with drugs to stop my heart my eyes wide open and on display, the world sees my soul and the fact I finally regret my choices.
Regret my life.
Regret I made my eyes a window to hell…