Excerpt from Blood and Water Copyright 2015 Katherine Rochholz All Rights Reserved

Excerpt from Blood and Water Copyright 2015 Katherine Rochholz All Rights Reserved

“Hope. What a word. Hope and Happiness. It was long ago I left those words behind. But the end has got to come. I feel numb. I know it is always the darkest before the dawn, but it is always the brightest before the sunset. And I fear the sun has set on my happiness. I am numb and I don’t know if I have anything left. Oh God, take me to a different place. A place with home, love and happiness. A different place from this war I fight, both the physical war and the one I fight internally. Where my love is in my arms once more and this war never started. I gave it all way for what I believe is right and look what I left behind. My husband, my heart. I have lost so many moments of my life for this war. How I wish I could leave behind these chains that are imprisoning my soul. But most wouldn’t call them chains, they would say it is my conscience telling me to do what is right. But I hate this war. My children live in fear. In a war zone. I wish I didn’t fear what was to come. I wish I didn’t have regrets. But I do. God help me to understand, because I am numb and I am coming upon my darkest moments. I could have refused to leave my life. But these chains that imprison my soul would have killed my soul instead. I just want to see another day of peace, is that too much to ask? Because I have been a good solider in this war. If I push forward maybe I will get to see the other side. Help me God to push forward.. Walk with me. Take my hand, before I come undone. Because my darkest days have yet to come. And I am numb now what will happen when the days get darker? What is pass numb> Because I can never be an optimist. A hoper. A dreamer. That isn’t me, no matter what is said about my hopes for the United States. I am no dreamer of the impossible, a hoper of the far-fetched dreams or a happy optimist. I am a realist and I realistically know I am going to die in this war and will never see the dawn after all this darkness. But a part of me still prays that I get to see the other side. So God, even though I am number and a harbinger take my hand and help me keep that small flame of hope alive in me while I fight this war of dead dreams. While I try to find the dawn of the new day in this war I march in.” 


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