Chapter 1

Addiction: Losing My Religion Part Two

Wars may be fought with weapons, but they are won by men. It is the spirit of men who follow and of the man who leads that gains the victory. 

~General George Patton.

He left the group session, ate some flavorless food, and gave Kate a call. “Kate.”

“Goddamn it, Jay! I have been worried!”

“I know baby girl. I am sorry. I am not going to dress this up in lies, just lay out the naked truth. I am in rehab. I got the guy killing kids, but have a bit of an addiction problem. I OD’d. I know you don’t have all the answers but give it to me straight.”

“I don’t have a book of rules to put your life back on track. But you were destroyed worse than this before, Jay. You may have stumbled before. But remember, this is your life to make your choice. But here is the little I do know. You don’t stand for hate, you scream against injustice. You let the world drag you through hell to save the lost souls. You stay unfiltered, loud, you stay proud of your scars, and you continue being who you are, Jay. This darkness will come and go. You will get through this. Just don’t run to the Marines again. You almost died in the war, your heart stopped three times when you were shot. But this is your life. You fix you the way you need to fix you.”

“Baby girl, you always know what to say. You know I won’t change. This is just a storm I have to weather… just like that day so many years ago.”

“You gave a lot of yourself away, Jay. You are paying the price for being the hero. But you used that rage at senseless death, and you won. You will get through this. I promise, I am with you every step of the way. It may feel like hell for a while, but you got this, Jay.”

“Dive into the pain and make it through the other side stronger and better.”

“Exactly. Dive into the pain. Put down your weapon, Marine. And I will be with you each step of the way. All the way to the end. Even if you fuck up, I will be there to help you stand back up. You are my best friend. My brother in but blood.”

“We always were better friends, what were we thinking when we tried a romantic relationship?”

“It was logical. But hey, I will come to visit you in a couple weeks. You just keep those spikes around your heart laid down, and heal.”

“Thanks, baby girl.”

“Welcome, brother.”

The call end and Jay went to lie down. He would get through this. He would.

They had left the center to find their primary NA meeting place. Jay found one between his home and the station. It was at the Catholic Church. The tattoo on the center of his back burned as he thought of the hell he went through as a young teen. Conversion Therapy. It was torture. But the tattoo on his back which was a compass with the center of the St. Benedict Protection Pendant, and instead of North, East, South, and West, it had the sigils of Archangel Michael, Archangel Gabriel, Archangel Uriel, and Archangel Rapheal. For protection, mercy, salvation, and healing. Only color on the tattoo were the sigils, Michael was blue, Gabriel white and black, Uriel was red, and Rapheal was green. It reminded him how his past helped him down this path. How he had to follow his inner compass to make it through the other side with his soul intact.

He shook his head as he told Tennant that he was stopping by the K-9 training center. After they granted permission, he walked the six blocks to the center. He walked in and he could hear the dogs all around him. He walked up to the pups. They were only four weeks old, their mothers protective. He was watching when he saw this one German Shepherd; he was a big boy, with a personality. He was running around with with a red ball larger than him. Determined to play. Jay nodded to the handlers and stepped in and stood in front of the pup. “Rex, stop.” 

The pup stopped and put down the ball. He looked at Jay.

“Good boy, Rex.” Jay bent down to the four week old pup. “I am your new partner. I will come get you in five weeks. Until then you will listen to your handlers. I will try to come by as much as I can.”

The pup barked at him.

“Go play.”

Rex took his ball back to the other pups.

“We could not get him to listen.” James Whittaker came over to greet Jay.

“He just had to meet an alpha.” Jay smirked as he leaned back and watched the pup.

James laughed. “Rex. Good name.” He marked the paperwork. “We will get his tags and badge made up.”

“Good. Go with red for his off duty color.”

“Red it is. Have a good day, Jay.”

“You too. Take care of my boy.”

“I will. You take care of yourself.”

“That is the plan. Have a pup dependent on me now.”

James slapped his back and sent him on his way.

Jay went back to the center and went on trying to heal from two years of having to wear a mask of someone he was not.

He just hoped he did not lose what made him, him with this latest mission.

When he got back from the last session of the day, his Captain was waiting. “Boss?”

“Just leaving you the file. Bruce and Jimmy are on it. But there was an arson today, intentionally set to kill. They found a body tortured and left in the living room for dead.”

Jay looked at the file. “Tom Pickett. Sounds familiar. Our CI, Pickett? Who got us an in on that murder ring of socialites five years ago?”

“One and the same.”

“He was a coward; his panic got me shot twice. But he didn’t deserve this. Any leads?”

“No. Fire department is still at the scene. Everything was burned. If it wasn’t for the exploding gas cans, they may have said he fell asleep with a cigarette.”

“I will read it when I can. But if this wasn’t random, then we may be looking at a start of a spree.”

“Let’s pray it was random.” Danielle stated as she walked out the door, leaving Jay to his thoughts and the file.

Across the city, there was a paramedic starting his twenty-four-hour shift at the firehouse. He had just put his personal clothes away when he heard his name yelled out by his boss.

“Raska!” His boss was standing on the second floor, looking down. 

Arcas Raska was not worried; his boss had a giant smile on his face. And honestly, Alastair Eamon did not have a poker face. “Yeah, Boss?”

“Good save with that detective. Sad business that. Got all those suppliers and dealers off the street, but at the cost of his own health and sanity. That was a good man you saved.”

“Detective?”

“The person you saved from an overdose was one of our cities top detectives. I got off the phone with Chief Fenna. Garret can be an ass, but he cares about his people. Anyways, good job. Garret mentioned something about a commendation. Jay Clossen is one of the best.”

Jay Clossen. So, the handsome man was just not another wayward soul. Not that it would have mattered. Arcas helped people. That was his calling. It did remind him to restock his personal kit. He tried to keep as much as possible on him in case he needed it. And there night he needed it. But to find out that the person he saved was a local hero who gained an addiction in the line of duty, that he had given up his sobriety to save the city’s children, that hit hard with Arcas. He knew that a lot of people in their line of work, either police, firefighters, paramedics, could end up down that road with pain killers, liquor, or other drugs. They saw many things in their lines of duty. Some that would give people nightmares. Many of which gave them nightmares. What had that man seen that he wanted to take that large of dose? Was it a wish to die? Or just a wish to shut down all the thought swimming in his brain. 

Arcas remembered that night well. It probably would always stick with him. All because of how dead those honey green eyes looked as they stared at Arcas unseeing.

Arcas had just left from another awful blind date. Why did he let his sister keep setting him up? Next time he would have to tell Shelly no. No matter how much Michelle begged, he would not give into another blind date. Honestly, the only thing those men had on their mind was sex. Not that Arcas did not like sex; he just wanted a connection, too. He had one-night stands before, but he was not looking for just sex. He was thirty-six, and he wanted a companion in this life. He was walking to his car. The night was still. He heard a thud and turned around. He saw a man stumbling down the alley. “Do you need help?”

The man looked at him with glassy green eyes. The man titled his head and then fell.

Arcas ran over and turned him over. He was overdosing! He called for an ambulance. “Excuse me! Can you hear me?” He slapped the man on his face to keep him awake. “Can you stay awake for me?” Arcas cursed as he turned the man on his side to throw up. He had a Naloxone shot in his car. It was just a few feet away. “Stay right on your side. I will be back!” Arcas took off in a run and opened his car, ripping through his first aid kit grabbing the Naloxone. He got back to find the man on his back. He cursed. “Fuck.” He moved and turned the man again, hitting his back to try to keep the man’s lungs clear. He moved quickly and stabbed the man in the thigh with the Naloxone. He kept doing this every two minutes while he waited for the ambulance and maintaining the man’s breathing. When the ambulance did arrive the paramedic bagged him and took him right to the hospital. 

Arcas shook himself from his thoughts. Jay Colossen. He wondered if it was the same one he went to high school with; so many years ago. If so, Jay had changed. That Jay was a popular jock who joined the Marines. Arcas, himself, was still in the closet about being a gay male. Arcas went to college and there he found himself and changed his name from Brianna to Arcas. And that caused disownment. But Arcas was bright, and he got scholarships to finish his nursing degree. But he found his calling when he applied at a firehouse right out of college, as he was having issues getting hired at a hospital. He went and took paramedic classes after going through the academy. And the rest was, as they say, history.

Arcas spent the next half hour on his phone looking up Jay Colossen. He was the one he went to high school with, small world. He also read about the bust. Jay really had changed for his jock ways of high school. The last time he saw Jay Colossen was the end of Jay’s junior year, Arcas’s sophomore year. Rumor was that Jay had dropped out due to drugs and not being able his classes. What he found out now was that rumor was so not the truth. There was a whole article on Jay Colossen.

LOCAL HERO BRINGS DOWN DRUG RUNG

Local hero Jameson Johnathan Colossen has had an eventful life, leading up to the last two years undercover. We were able to gain some information on Detective Colossen, and here is the scoop!

Jameson ‘Jay’ Colossen was born on September 27th, 1983. Four years later his brother was born, David Micheal Colossen. His parents were Raelynn Colossen and Nathan Colossen. His childhood would be shaped by tragedy. When he was fifteen, his own father put him in the hospital. Then, days before his seventeenth birthday, one of the most tragic events to hit this town occurred. The Lawrence High School Shooting.

This day was extra tragic for our hero. Not only did he lose many friends, but he lost his baby brother. His brother was only going on thirteen, a freshman, who had skipped a couple grades. A brother who just the week before had done a paper on his ‘hero’ and naming his brother as his inspiration to be a good influence on the world.

Collosen then dropped out of high school, he got his GED and joined the Marines. Where he moved his mother away from the spousal abuse brought on by Nathan Collosen.

Then 9/11 happened. And our hero did his tours in Afghanistan and Iraq. His first tour was ten months in Afghanistan. He was injured saving a fellow Marine and was awarded a Purple Heart and by Bronze Star. After four months off, where he worked in base as a mechanic, he went on his second tour. His mother being tragically killed by his father just weeks before the end of his second tour. This ended his second tour after a year. After taking two months off to grieve and get justice for his mother. He left and went on one last tour. 

In his last tour, he almost did not make it home! He saved a group of Marines and was shot three times, all while fighting the enemy and keeping the troop safe as they battled and cleared the area! His heart stopping for almost three minutes. By the end of his three tours they awarded him: A Purple Cluster, A Bronze Star, The Silver Star, The Navy Distinguished Service medal, and The Navy Cross.

This hero then came home and went to KSU, where he would end up getting a doctorate in psychology, specializing in both criminal and behavioural. He joined the Police academy when he graduated from undergrad. During his time on the force, he moved up quickly and would end up with his doctorate. For eleven of his fifteen years he has been a detective. He became head detective just five years ago for homicide and narcotics. He has been the department’s lead undercover agent.

This last assignment will be his last undercover. Sources close state that our Hero is going to get a new K-9 partner and work more in Homicide and cold cases.

Everybody give thanks to the man who gave up years of his life to protect the people of Lawrence!

Arcas was brought out of his thoughts as the rest of the team was starting to come into the house.

“Hey Arcas!” Peter called as he walked into the firehouse to start their shift. 

“Hey Pete. You driving today?” They always switched driving and being in the back.

“Yeah. Thanks for letting me drive this whole month. Hurting my back was so not the plan. But the doc says I should be able to go back to normal duty if my checkup next week shows the muscle has healed.”

“No problem. You would have done it for me.”

“Yep! Hey, how was that date your sister set you up on?”

“Sex. The man wanted nothing but sex. I don’t know why I let her set me up.”

“Well, sex is good. And she will keep nagging you until you give in.”

“True, but honestly, at thirty-six I would like some type of meat to the relationship, and not just that meat. Don’t go there, I can hear the comment now.”

Pete laughed; “You know me too well.” Pete was changed and sat down on the bench. “Heard you saved a junkie from OD’ing.”

“Wasn’t a junkie. Undercover detective who had to use to get an in. Caught the bad guys; guess the supplier was mixing chemicals that were killing kids that used his product. He would give them uncut stuff to hook them to heroin or coke and then switch it with the cut stuff. Which ended up killing them.”

“Shit. Undercover, wonder how long?”

“Article said almost two years.”

“Shit! That long? He had to become a whole other person to stay in that long. I wonder how that is going to affect him long term.”

“Don’t know. Psychology wasn’t my thing.”

Just then the alarm went, and they ran to gear up and move out.

When they got to the fire, only an idiot could tell it was not arson. Besides the gas cans seen exploding from the front room’s bay window.

“SHIT! DON’T MOVE!” The chief yelled, as they all ducked as a gas can exploded and flew towards them. 

The whole crew jumped into action. Pete and Arcas helped man the hoses as others went into the house. It seemed like hours, but was only moments when they were back out.

The unfortunate part was that the body they brought out was just that a body. Arcas rushed over to do his duty.

“Shit, this guy was tortured to death then set on fire.”

“Dead?”

“Yeah.” Arcas pulled a sheet over the body. “The police are going to be pissed.”

“Tell me about it. All their evidence is up and flames. Get back to the hose, Raska.”

Arcas nodded and rushed to head for the hose again. Pete looking grateful he was back to assist.

It was hours later that they made it back to the station. They were all dirty and headed toward the showers.

As Arcas had stated, the police were not pleased. The detectives Bruce Moore and James Kingsley spent at least twenty minutes cursing. They talked to them all as they cleaned up the scene.

“Anything you can tell about the body?”

“I can see, barely, the torture. Looks like a sharp pointed object. Thin at the top and gets thicker based on the wounds. He would have been barely alive when he was set on fire. The shock and blood loss killing him before the fire destroyed anything that may have been on him. Sorry, Detectives.”

Jimmy sighed; “not your fault.”

“The person who did this used cooking oil in the gas containers.”

“Cooking oil?” Jimmy asked; that seemed odd.

“Less likely to be traced. Fuck.” Bruce stormed off. 

“Yeah…” Jimmy shook his head. “Everybody buys cooking oil. And large amounts too. Hell, my girlfriend just bought a ten-pound jug of the stuff at that wholesale place.”

“Is he going to be alright?”

“He is probably wishing that we could get Jay on this case. We identified the owner, and if the dead body is the owner, he was one of Jay’s CIs.”

“Jay?”

“Hero in the paper?”

“Ah;” Arcas nodded. “He would normally take this call?”

Jimmy shrugged; “we normally would have him to bounce ideas off at least. Anyways! If you think of anything, call down at the station. Have a good night.”

Arcas took the card and nodded. “Of course, detective.”

Arcas had just come out of the showers when he heard his bos yell.

“MEETING! Kitchen!”

Arcas quickly dressed and high-tailed it up the stairs and into the kitchen. Any time there was a kitchen meeting, Alistar cooked. “Boss, what is for chow?”

“Bottomless pit! That is all you are, Lieutenant.”

Arcas laughed; “you shouldn’t cook so well, Alistar.”

“Pasta. I made pasta. Salad. Corn. We eat too much meat in this house.”

“Let me guess, Jenni is on your case to cut out some meat?”

“You know my wife too well!”

“She is my best friend since high school. I introduced the two of you. I think I told you, I didn’t care if you were my boss, hurt her and they wouldn’t find your body.”

Alistar laughed. “Oh, I remember. It is the reason you are the godfather to our daughter. Who is expecting her Uncle Arcas to come over and babysit her on Saturday, our first weekend off, I know, but I and Jen haven’t had a chance to be alone since she was born.”

“Oh, bring out the guilt. You are lucky I love my goddaughter. How is Dee?”

“You know, teething again. Hard to believe she is eight months.”

“Well, she is a cute little rug rat.”

“You think you will ever have any?”

“I froze my eggs when I started T, all those years ago. I find the right person, maybe.”

Alister knew the others were at least five minutes out. “I thought you…”

“I always wanted kids.” Arcas shrugged. “I would probably still get a surrogate, but it has crossed my mind once or twice to carry my own child. But that is something for when I am in a good, healthy, lasting relationship.”

“You keep letting your sister set you up, all you will have is one-night stands.”

“Shelly seems to think all I want is sex.”

“You are a sex fiend, from what I heard from my wife. Or at least you were in college.”

“College was a time to experiment. And I did. I repressed myself for too long. Coming out was the best thing for me. I may have been kicked out by my parents, but my siblings stood by me. Richard and Michelle are amazing.”

“That they are. So, you guys going to do Christmas at our house this year or New Year’s?”

“Richard has been hiding something. I think he finally has realized Kari is cheating on him. I expect him to be on my steps in the next month or so.”

“I do not envy you for having to tell him what you saw.”

“I know. I had to tell him, though. Though he denied it at first.”

“Richard is too good of man for all that. Damn good lawyer, too.”

“Yeah, he gets justice for the little guy. He could be rolling in the dough as a defense attorney. He had enough offers, but he stays with the prosecutor’s office. I wonder if he knows Jay Clossen.”

“You know Clossen? I mean, good job saving him, didn’t know you knew him.”

“Not really. He was a year ahead of me in high school. He was the popular boy, jock, good grades without trying. Though he let everybody think he was an idiot himbo.”

“Himbo?”

“Male bimbo. Shelly and Rachal’s daughter taught me that word. Did you hear they started fertility treatments to have a baby? And they just got approved to adopt their foster son! They will have a sixteen-year-old, twelve-year-old, and a baby soon!”

“That’s great! They are great parents. They took that angry girl and adopted her. And now Charlotte is a happy, bubbly, Goth teenager.”

“Tell me about it! I did not know how much of a culture Goth was until Char explained it all to me. Just like I can name all the Pokemon because of Jeff. I wonder what the baby will teach me.”

“Probably how much work a baby is.”

“Nah, I know that from Dee.”

“Who knows, maybe the baby will teach you that you need your own little rug rat.”

Arcas was laughing as the rest of the team came into the kitchen.

Alister went from friend, practically brother, to boss in a blink.

“Hey, smells good, Boss!” Pete plopped himself next to Arcas.

There will mummers of agreement as they all made plates.

“What is up with the meeting?” Dylan asked as he sucked in a noddle.

“With the fire we came from being a murder and arson case, we will be working with the police in regards to it. Just give them the information they ask for, when they ask for it. That said, we are now on high alert for other arson cases. You know if a person sets a fire once they will again.”

“We will be busy. An arson and murder? Add to that the full moon tonight and Mercury probably in retrograde, people be crazy.” Sean stated as he helped himself to seconds.

The others all winced. Scientific or not, the full moon brought out the crazy people. They would be busy all night. 

“Eat where you can. Nap where you can. We are only five hours into a twenty-four-hour shift. And you are right. The crazy ones will be out!” Alister ordered, and sat back with his own plate.

Arcas sat and ate, but he could not get his mind off Jay. And he also could not throw off this uneasy feeling that everything was just beginning and his life would never be the same. 

He just hoped he was wrong.